Posts from — August 2005

I feel as though I’ve let my reading public down. I noticed when reviewing my sitemeter statistics, that someone arrived to my blog page after searching for Ironman USA Lake Placid elevation information.

I am usually quite diligent about posting such information, but I suppose in the days after the race, all I really wanted to do was rest and relax. So in order to make it up to future generations that may arrive at my page, I am now posting this information.

For the record, the bike portion had me climb for 6,640 feet. The run had an ascent of 1,385. The total ascent for the day was 8,080 feet.

The following chart shows the elevations graphically.

Elevations of IMLP from Bike through Run.

I found the following email chain between ST and myself in one of my folders. I felt it worth sharing with the world. I spoke to my coach about it. He said the following:

Just tell him he needs a good coach! ’06 will be even harder for him to
swallow – sort of like wasabe without the sushi. It brings tears to your
eyes, but provides no nutriment.

nlc
————————————————————————
Neil L. Cook
SLB Coaching & Training Systems
Asphalt Green Triathlon Training Institute
http://www.slb-coaching.com

——————————
Here is the email chain…

—– Original Message —–
From: “ST
To: “BEAST
Sent: Sunday, July 31, 2005 6:24 AM
Subject: Re: Fw: Math Lesson

Uh, no. Did I write it?

No-longer-Super-Todd,

Todd

PS Charlie the Tuna is going DOWN in 06 (my new signature).

—–Original Message—–
From: BEAST
Sent: Jul 30, 2005 3:31 PM
To: ST
Subject: Fw: Math Lesson

Remember this email?

’nuff said.

Beast

—– Original Message —–
From: “ST
To: “BEAST
Sent: Saturday, April 16, 2005 5:38 PM
Subject: Math Lesson

Actually Miss Beast, I’m 5-6 minutes faster than you in the swim and nearly 20 minutes faster in the Run. If the tables were turned you’d be renting billborads in Time’s Square to announce it to the world. I quietly assert my superiority, with class and humility.

Biking, you got me by 12 minutes. Proportionally 5 minutes in the swim is like 30 minutes in the bike and 20 minutes in the run. Assuming the bike norm is 6 hours and the run norm is 4. I win 2 events to your 1, sad yet?

Your stand alone marathon time beats mine only by 10 seconds or something…where did you do it? Out in Jersey in some flat as a pancake uncrowded course. Oooh I’m scared. My best half-marathon time: 1:25 in Prospect Park (4 loops). Yours? I win yet again. I can’t wait for Placid so that I can put all this “who’s better at IM?” to bed, forever. Please Charles eat right, take yr vitamins and try to keep your delicate girly body healthy so that I can run past you at Placid and not slow down to see how your feeling as you shuffle home. Remember: please stay healthy so Super Todd can have a tasty Beast snack in the mountains.

See you in the park.

The (Far) Superior Athlete,

ST

—–Original Message—–
From: BEAST
Sent: Apr 16, 2005 12:45 PM
To: ST
Subject: Re: Today’s Ride

S.D.T (D for Delusional) -

My god man 165 pounds!!!! That is Athena class, which is sincerely how I think you should enter yourself with your girlie running form. Biking for that matter as well.

You will never catch me on the bike. Never. It is a fact, get over it. As for the run; let me just remind you of which athlete has the faster marathon PR. That athlete would be me, posted only last year when I was not Nearly in as good of shape as I am now.

Yes, your lone IM marathon posting may have been faster than my two IM marathons. However, it is simply a matter of me getting my nutrition right. I will be working out this problem in race conditions while you tool around Prospect Park endlessly.

For now I concede you the swim. Take your extra 3-4 minutes and have fun. I will save that time in transition alone. Work up a good appetite my friend. You will need your calories to have any chance of catching me this year.

Beast

—– Original Message —–
From: “ST
To: “BEAST
Sent: Saturday, April 16, 2005 12:09 PM
Subject: Re: Today’s Ride

Hey Beast:

I had a feeling you were in deep recovery mode so I rode on. I did 60 miles and then went over to R and A to have the creeking sound checked out. They greased up the seatpost and tightened everything, so far so good. I’m right at 172lbs, which is good for me this early in the season. Getting down to 165lbs will be a breeze in the coming weeks with these 16 (+) hour weeks, up to 20 (+) come May and June, whew! I am so going to kick your ass at IMLP, especially on the bike (swim and run I could kick your ass right now). Thank you for understanding. Tomorrow is a brick day for me. 4 hour ride, 1 hour run or 2 hour ride 2 hour run. I’ll see how the bike feels tomorrow. I’ll be out early to avoid all the yahoos, who seem to take over the park after 9:30 AM. Idiots! Letting their little children swerve into the bikes, people crossing the road without even looking and then shouting at you when you shout to warn them. Idiots!

ST

Click here to find out how many more days until ST takes another whooping!

Normally, when I think of an observation, it is a discovery I made with my eyes. Today, however, it was my nose that made a very unpleasant observation. I was sitting on the steps leading down to the subway platform at 57th Street and 6th Avenues, minding my own business and reading a book. The station was hot and steamy and the still air was stifling. This station for some reason has no benches, so I decided that I was going to sit down and risk a ticket (fine).

This proved very unfortunate for my nose. While I was sitting on the antepenultimate step, a woman with a rather large ass decided to lean against the hand rails. To be fair to the woman, describing her ass as quite large would not be doing her justice. It was enormous.

I would imagine that having such a large ass poses difficulties when it comes to wiping it. From the smell that rose up into my nose, I could tell that this was the case with this particular woman. Maybe the stall she defecated in was just too small for her to maneuver her girth and she just couldn’t wipe all the crap away. I am still struggling now to get the smell out of my olfactory sense as I ride home on the air conditioned train.

The smell reminded me of another and even more unpleasant experience I had with a lard ass back in my youth. This memory was safely buried away in the forgotten recesses of my mind until today.

It involved a neighbor who was also generous in his size. He was an electrician and a friend of the family. He was asked to come down to my house to help fix a problem we were having with a wire that delivered TV signals throughout the house. Unfortunately, the problematic wire happened to be in my bedroom.

To fix the wire, Mr. Lard Ass Electrician sat on my bed. He didn’t bother to move my pillow before he deposited his shit stinking ass on it. After he fixed the problem and departed, my pillow, the thing that I rested my head on each night, stunk like an overflowing cesspool in the heat of summer. I have no problem with people being fat, but if that is how you want to be, please do try to wipe your ass clean after you get off the bowl.