Its time to change the music. My brain keeps playing sad songs and it is time to start infusing it with something more positive and upbeat. This morning I heard in my head songs by Pink Floyd such as â€œWish You Were Hereâ€, which is always a major downer for me. I get so depressed hearing Floyd that I find it hard to live. Next I heard Destroyer by The Kinks, which while is a more upbeat song, is about suffering from paranoia. While I didnâ€™t feel as depressed as I heard this in my head, I started to feel very nervous and jerky. I guess it also didnâ€™t help with it only being 5:10 am and 27 degrees. It was cold and dark which suited my mood.
I am not sure which song I need to hear to pick up my spirits. I think I will skip Metallicaâ€™s One, a song about someone who has no arms and legs. While this does have a very good beat, with my the way my left shin has been feeling, I am wondering if I wouldnâ€™t be better off hacking the damn thing off and putting on a prosthesis. I found some nice models here.
I donâ€™t know what song I heard in the shower today, but it was along the lines of not being able to go on and wanting to quit. This describes my run this morning. I was scheduled for 8 miles after an 80 minute bike ride. I managed to run for 12 minutes before I had to stop. I just didnâ€™t want to continue and my shin was really hurting. Even if my shin wasnâ€™t hurting, I would have stopped. I just didnâ€™t have anything, physically or mentally to continue pushing forward.
Truth is, Iâ€™ve never pushed my training for this long. Iâ€™ve trained in the past for endurance type sports, but never for this long. The longest Iâ€™ve gone prior to this go around was just over 3 years. This is my 6th year for this go around and is completely new and uncharted territory for me. I know am starting to sound like a broken record as I keep complaining about being depressed, tired and not wanting to go on, but I canâ€™t help it. It is what I am feeling. I wonder how many people reading this blog will actually remember what a broken record sounds like. Humans of the modern age do seem to outlast all current forms of technology. I just have to see if I can outlast myself.
January 17, 2006 Comments Off