This weekend wasn’t the most productive for training. I’ve been very stressed out about a looming deadline for a project at work and I couldn’t escape from it during Saturday’s bike ride. I was riding with Todd and I eventually had to tell him I couldn’t ride on any longer. I was too stressed out and overcome with worry about the project and life in general.

I had mentioned to Todd earlier in the week, that I had been having a tough time as of late, so he suggested a couple of hours of bike riding followed by pancakes at his house. We didn’t quite get the couple of hours, but he did manage to get me to his house for the pancakes, which were delicious. I should point out that his lovely wife E cooked them. I don’t think Todd knows how to cook much more than stories about how he will beat me.

I felt very much the persona of Edvard Munch’s oil painting “The Scream”; a tortured soul lost in a non-existent existential world. My brain was literally screaming out for help and the medicine for that was a nice plate of pancakes.

Fully fed and calmed down, I rode back to my house where I promptly passed out on the ottoman of my couch. I was lying on it while watching my son watch TV and the next thing I knew I was asleep. My wife took the kids out for a few hours, while I took a short nap and worked on my project. I also shot my coach an email telling him I only rode 30 out of a planned 70 miles and explained why I couldn’t go on. I also told him to call me so I could ask his advice.

I spoke to him on Sunday morning, the day of the blizzard. His advice was very helpful and allowed me to focus clearly on what needed to be done and how I should proceed. It is great to have resources in the form of people you can count on. I think a coach for various parts of your life are essential at one time or another. I am lucky enough to have a coach that can advise me on my Triathlon goals and business goals as well.

His further advice that morning was for me to stay inside and do my run on the treadmill. I didn’t relish going 15 miles. He agreed that was a bit extreme and said to try for at least 10.

During my run I had the company of my children. I put the movie Robots on Pay Per View and I ran during the entire time. When the movie ended, I completed 9 miles and felt that was good enough. It was time for breakfast (pancakes again) and time to get ready to go sledding with the kids.

When I got to the park, I saw my friend Larry running the park loop in the snow. He called me to go with him, but I had just gotten off of my treadmill. I wished I was out there with him, but it needed to be a few hours earlier. It was sledding time.

My kids and I had a blast. We went on some really big hills and had fun burying each other in snow. I figured the trekking up and down the hill more than made up for my lost running mileage. We stayed out for close to 4 hours and it was a lot of fun.

Unfortunately when I got home I still had to shovel my sidewalk. It was a bit laborious and sapped the remainder of strength out of me. Soon after I ate dinner I was tired and ready to nod off. It wasn’t an altogether unpleasant feeling. I slept through the night last night without the aid of a sleeping pill in I don’t know how many years.

Email exchange between ST and Beast

Hey Todd -

Not sure I understand how to go back without looking back, but I understand about having to go back to Hades in order to get out of it. Thanks for sending it.

I am finally making a new blog entry which is why I am up so late. I am in a hotel in Melville Long Island and I have to leave here by 6:30-7am. The week is starting to pass and soon enough it will be years ago. I know at some point I will look back and say “What was so bad”, because all I will remember was that during this time I felt such anguish and grief. Hopefully
at that time, my demons will have passed and I will have long forgotten what it is to feel such pain.

I probably won’t be getting in many workouts this week. You should use that to your advantage to get an edge on me this summer. I am feeling somewhat better.

Beast
—– Original Message —–
From: “Todd
To: “Charles
Sent: Monday, February 13, 2006 10:20 PM
Subject: Hey Charles

I thought you might like to read this passage from a recent interview with Michel Butor (a great writer):

“We have to change our past in order to change our future. We must turn back and throw light on it to see it in a new way. What we need is archeology around and in ourselves.

There is a strong link between inspiration and childhood. When Proust wanted to experience a new childhood and become a writer, he had to go back to his first childhood. Things forgotten wait in the library of your mind.

It is a question of having to look back ward and yet not go backward at the same time. To free Euridyce from Hades, Orpheus was forbidden to look back at her and when he did, he lost her. Almost the same legend can be found in the Bible. It is the story of Lot’s wife, who, when fleeing Sodom, looked back and was transformed into a pillar of salt. We have to be able to look forward, but to bring back Euridyce you have to go back to Hades. It was a very powerful memory, which was at the origin of the journey to hell. We always have to descend into hell in order to got out of it. It’s also an open cycle.”

- An Interview with Michel Butor