Kick In The Ass

I need a kick in the ass.  I am having a lot of trouble getting myself back into training mode after my long layoff to recover from my stress fractures.  I’ve been running intermittently, but it is just not feeling good.  Most likely it’s because I’ve lost all of my cardiovascular fitness.  However, a major part of my lack of desire to train is just plain mental.  Something inside me is telling me to forget about it and just relax for a while.

 

I think I’ve finally reached the tipping point where after a long period of intense physical activity my mind and body just want to quit on me.  However another something in me doesn’t want to let that happen.  I am getting too old to keep going from in shape to out of shape and back again.  As happened in the past, I would let myself get out of shape, have several years go by and then something would happen, that would inspire me to get back in shape.  Usually this something was a comment that was said to me.  One time the kick in the ass came from the form of my girlfriend telling me that should couldn’t stand the feel of my stomach resting on her while I had sex with her.  I need a good kick in the ass like that right now.

 

This weekend I am feeling particularly depressed.  Ironman Lake Placid is tomorrow and several of my friends are up there to participate in it.  This will be the first time in 5 years that I won’t be going.  My friend Todd sent me a nice email, telling me that he is missing me and that I should send him good thoughts as he competes.  I will do so and wish him nothing but the best.  I replied that I expect him to break 11 hours and to qualify for Kona.

 

Instead of competing this weekend I decided that if I can’t be an athlete, I may as well help another one by volunteering.  Sunday is also the NYC Triathlon and I signed up to assist a challenged athlete compete.  This means I will most likely be helping someone who is missing an arm or a leg through all of their transitions.  It should be interesting even though this means I have to be on the Upper West Side of Manhattan at 5am in the morning come Sunday.

 

I think my reasons for volunteering are mostly selfish.  I don’t have any particular desire to volunteer and the whole thing will be highly inconvenient.  I figure that by doing this I will earn some good karma points and perhaps in the future it will come back to me.  If this is my motivation then are my reasons for volunteering pure?  Do I get these karma points since my motivation is that I hope it comes back to me in the future?  Do you only get good karma when you help someone else without any expectation in return?  I am not expecting anything from the athlete I am helping mind you, I am just talking about a return in general. 

My mother once told me how offered to get something from the store for someone even though she had no particular desire to do so.  She knew it was the right thing to do.  So maybe you just do things for others just because it is right, not because you want to.  Anyway, I am due to pay some back as many a volunteer has helped me compete and I remember how grateful I was for their assistance.  I am especially grateful to those volunteers in Lake Placid who rubbed suntan lotion all over my sweating and grimy skin while I was getting ready to go out and do the marathon.

 

So after all of this is said and done, I still need my kick in the ass.  I don’t know what form this will be in or where it will come from.  I just hope that it arrives soon.  I am unhappy with the way I’ve been feeling about myself, but I am helpless to do something about it.  Maybe helping tomorrow will be the kick in the ass I need.