Posts from — September 2009

Today I did the ING NYC Marathon Tune-Up.  An 18 mile run done over 3 loops of a cool and very rainy Central Park.  This was a do or die race for me in that if I could not complete this race, then I would seriously question whether or not I would do the upcoming NYC Marathon.  I feared for the worst for my performance, but hoped for the best.

I started the race by running from the Lexington Avenue subway to Central Park.  The trains didn’t cooperate this morning, so I was left with only 8 minutes to make it about a mile to the start of the race and to store my bag in the baggage area.  My heart rate was already racing as I dropped off my bag and caught up with the field of runners who already started the race before I got to the start.  I felt physically ok for the first few miles, but mentally I was somewhere else. 

My mental state started to go bad, when I saw it took me ten minutes to complete the first mile.  I couldn’t believe I was running so slowly.  It didn’t feel slow, but my Polar HR monitor doesn’t lie.  If I was only doing 10 mm now, I could imagine how slow I would be going later on.  I wasn’t looking forward to the rest of the race.

To keep my going I thought of the reasons why I should be running.  I thought of my children and the example I am setting by pursuing fitness and taking on challenging events.  I thought how I can’t let myself get fat and out of shape again.  I remembered how good running felt only a short time ago.  I knew these were all good reasons and they kept me going.  However, these thoughts did not make it any easier.

I felt good briefly at about the 8.75 mile mark.  I thought perhaps the malaise I am feeling was finally lifting.  The feeling of it lifting lasted for about a mile.  Perhaps I was going downhill at the time.  This malaise is killing me.  I wish there was a pill I could take; like an antibiotic to get rid of an infection.  I keep running hoping for it to lift but it won’t go away.

As I completed my second lap I saw the lead runners heading towards the finish.  It’s been a few years, but I remember well when I used to be among the top of the field crossing the line with the speedsters.  This back of the pack stuff takes a stronger grit than does running a race all out.  I have a new appreciation for all those runners who finish towards the end of a race.  It takes guts to stick it out when you know that most of the field has already finished the race.

I got through the third and final lap by chasing various rabbits.  I would see a nice looking sight ahead of me and see how long I could keep on the tail.  This worked for about half of the lap.  At this point I found myself running alone again and felt a desperate need to walk.  I saw a runner who was walking though and I encouraged her to run, by shouting out “There’s no walking in running”.  She managed to get a trot going and kept me company for about half a mile.  At this point I started to pull away until there was only about 1.75 miles left.  This time it was me who was walking when the runner I had just encouraged caught up to me and got me to run again.  By now the 17 mile mark was coming up and I felt an adrenaline surge to make it to the finish line.  As I miraculously got a decent pace going, I encouraged other runners who were walking to pick it up again.  I would shout out how the time for walking is done, it’s time to run it home.

A couple of runners started running again at my suggestion and one of them caught up to me and thanked me for the encouragement.  I struggled to keep a strong pace, but managed to get myself across the finish line.  I crossed the line completely drenched, exhausted and sore.  I was disgusted with myself at how slow I was.  I said to no one in particular that I am old, slow and decrepit.  Someone heard this and told me that I that I just ran 18 miles and that I am “Bad Ass” for it.  I wish I felt the same way, but all I could think about was how this distance used to be nothing but a warm up. 

I suppose I am being too hard on myself.  However, being hard on myself is how I get myself to do bigger and better things.  I just have to not be so hard on myself that I give up trying.

So I was out with my friend @aristorat this past Thursday to check out the Double Windsor, a new bar that opened up in our neighborhood.  We were just hanging out and having a few rounds of beer when we ran into a neighbor of @aristorat’s and her friend.  C and J both lived near us and were also runners.  We got to talking and to make a long story short, I talked J into running the Queens Half Marathon with me.  This pretty much sealed the deal for me as to whether I would run it or not, because up until this point I wasn’t sure I was going to go.

Come Friday morning however, J sent me an email saying how she woke up feeling kind of sick and that she thought it would be better if she skipped the race.  Not wanting to lose a running companion for the race, I replied that there was no changing minds in the light of day and that I was going to get her race number and T-Shirt regardless and was going to be outside her house and 5:30am Sunday morning, so she better get it in her mind that she was running the race.

With that information she decided to do the race, but vowed to hold me personally responsible should she wind up in the hospital with pneumonia.  I decided to take that risk as I thought the chances were pretty small so I got her race packet and picked her up this morning for the race.  Her friend C came with us to cheer us on.

We went out in a nice comfortable pace, around 9:45’s per mile.  The original place was to run slower than that, but we were both comfortable where we were.  I haven’t done the Queens Half in several years and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was no longer a two loop course.  I had many turns and rolling hills and went through several very nice neighborhoods.

It was disconcerting to see how much fitness I’ve lost since the VT100.  My heart rate averaged 86% of my max over the course of the entire race and I only ran a 10 minute mile pace.  I need to seriously get back into my training if I am going to get ready for the NYC Marathon and JFK 50 miler.  Really though, I just need to start running regularly again.  Hopefully the Queens Half is the start.  J belongs to a hashing club and told me about a hash run tomorrow night.  I might just show up for it and combine my love of running with drinking beer.  Yes, that sounds like a plan. 

See J’s take on the race here.

I am suffering from a deep, deep malaise.  I feel like I am in the abyss and no amount of oxygen will be enough for me to swim to the top.  I can’t seem to get my head above water.  It is a deep funk that I am in.  A perverse Funky Town from which no one can return.After the Vermont 100 miler I had high hopes for the rest of the year.  I didn’t get very far though.  I did the NYC Triathlon in pretty good form and then had two successive weekends where I did a 14 mile run with a 1 mile swim mixed in, but since that time I’ve been completely dead.  I am not sure what happened.  One weekend I was running and then the next day I could not get my legs to turn over at all.  It is a major struggle to make it one loop around Prospect Park.  I’ve already decided to bail out of the SOS Triathlon on September 13 as I don’t see any point in making the trip for a major endurance event if I can’t even run 4 miles.

I need something to jump start me again.  I am seriously getting out of shape and overweight.  I can’t control what I am eating.  I’ve been drinking too much and not giving a rat’s ass if I don’t get in a workout.  I don’t like how I feel, but mentally I am not ready to start moving.

This summer has been one of my worst.  Nothing bad has happened, but nothing good or exciting happened either.  It was just one work day after another and for the first time in years I didn’t take a summer vacation.  I think that is part of my problem.  I haven’t been on vacation in a while and I think that has definitely taken a toll on my mental psyche.  I am bored, uninspired and not excited about anything that I am doing.  Usually running will help with my mood, but something is physically wrong with me.  I just can’t get my legs to turnover.  Yes, I have a couple of nagging injuries in my left groin/hip flexor and right hamstring, but nothing so irritating that would account for why I just can’t get my legs to move.

Yeah, yeah, I did go to Vermont to run the 100 miler, but I didn’t finish it and I wound up returning to work a day earlier than I planned.  Perhaps if I finished the race and took the extra day off things would have been different mentally for me.  Maybe I would have felt like I accomplished something and returned to work relaxed.  However, that still can’t explain why I am not able to run right now.

I don’t even know what type of doctor I should go to.  My problem feels physical, but perhaps it is mental.  I just don’t know.  I am not in the mood, nor can I afford, to see a dozen specialists to find out what is wrong with me.  Maybe electroshock therapy.  That sort of sounds kind of cool.

Something has got to give.  I can’t keep thinking this way.  It’s not healthy.  I seek inspiration.  My problems are small compared to others, but we each have to overcome our own obstacles.  What might be easy for one person may be difficult for another.  Perhaps this is a start.  I haven’t felt like writing in a while, but perhaps posting this here is the beginning of the end of the funk.  Or perhaps it is just the end of the beginning.  Only time will tell.  I have 2 months to get ready for the NYC Marathon and the JFK 50 Miler.  I can’t skip them this year.  This will be my 5 year in a row doing the NYC Marathon.  I can’t let something like a little malaise stop me.