Errors and Expectations

I have no doubt that I’ve made a lot of errors when it comes to my training.  However, I have high expectations of myself and I need to stop making them if I am ever going to live to my full potential.  I find though that sometimes I can’t help myself.  There are things I want to do and others that I want to pursue, but I have not been willing to sacrifice one for the other.  I want it all.  I’ve always wanted to have my cake and eat it too.

I need to decide though which cakes I want to eat.  Cake can be so moist and delicious and you have so many varieties to choose from.  One cake that you have to eat; the catalyst for all others is sleep.  Without sleep the body is unable to function properly.  The body does heal, recover or rejuvenate.  You don’t have the energy the next day to pursue that which you want to do.  However, some things are only available when sleep is inconvenient.  What are you supposed to do when you can’t rearrange your schedule to accommodate that issue?

This past weekend it felt like my body completely broke down.  I woke up early on Saturday morning with the intention of running the NYRR 8000.  For the first time in my life, I made the conscious decision to blow off a race.  It was cold and raining very hard and I felt very groggy and completely not myself.  I think that if I tried to stand up I would have fallen.  I wasn’t sick per se and I probably could have shaken it off, but I just decided to hell with it.  The comfort of my bed sounded much more appealing.  I fell back to sleep without too much guilt, but did wake up later with regrets that I didn’t go.   I am pretty sure I made the correct decision though.  It would have been awful to be walking on the wrong side of Central Park in the cold, wind and rain.

Sunday I fared no better.  I had gone out on Saturday night with a couple of friends and drank and ate too much.  I stayed up late again when I got home even though I was tired and should have taken a sleeping pill to force myself to sleep.  To make a long story short, I eventually got out of bed around 10:30am, made my son and his guest breakfast and then headed out with a friend at 11:15 to do a longish run.  I didn’t make it far.  I ran about 1.5 miles and was dragging badly.  My hips were hurting (where that came from I don’t know) and I couldn’t generate any pace.  I told my friend to go on, turned around and started to walk home.  I couldn’t even make the walk.  I saw a can idling by the curb and hoped in for the mile ride home.  I knew I was so done with running this weekend as I sat in the car and thought how good I felt to just be sitting down and watching the world go by as the car drove me home.

This is not the way I want to be.  Perhaps I am at rock bottom or perhaps I will sink lower.  I guess the key is moderation.  Either that or cut something out of my life.  The number one candidate for elimination is work, but until I win the lottery that is not going to happen.  Recently I started organizing my life around the house.  Old papers were shredded and discarded and things straightened out.  I need to do that with my body as well.  Perhaps I’ll write a schedule and a diet plan and post it here for all to see.  Then I can blog about that and see if I stick with it.  After all, aren’t most goals only reached after making a well thought out plan?