How do you say good-bye to someone you weren’t ready to let go?  It’s not fair that he’s gone and he went away so quickly, seemingly without warning. I didn’t get a chance to say all the things I wanted to, to tell him how proud of him I was, how fortunate I was to have him as a father, how much I learned about parenting from him and more. 

We all inherit and learn certain characteristics from our parents.  The thing that I inherited most from him was his perseverance and his excellent driving skills.  The man knew how to stick through anything and could make it through the most difficult of times.  He always stayed the course, and with unwavering love and compassion, he could make it through anything.  I’ve often thought of him when times in my life got tough and I asked myself what would my father do? 

Dad was never an endurance athlete like I am, but I have no doubt he would have made a great one.  I think of him if I want to stop during a race and the words of encouragement he would give me if he were by my side.  He has been there for me during times that he has never known and will continue to be there for me throughout the rest of my life.  My father lives on inside me as he does in many of us.

Through thick and thin, good times and bad, my father always had a smile, maintained an upbeat word and always had something good to say to everyone around him.  His personality was infectious and everyone loved him.  As I’ve spoken to friends and family over the last couple of days, the reaction has all been the same, they are without words to describe how great a man my father was and how profound a loss his passing is to us.

Dad always stood by his children’s sides – even when we disappointed or made him angry – he could not stay that way for long.  Nothing tells of his capacity to forgive and forget like he was able to do after the numerous car accidents that I had.

As much as I loved my father and he loved me, in many ways my father remained very much a mystery to me.  I could never figure out how he always remained so happy and content.  Oftentimes I would hear the best stories from my father when he was around other people.  Once he had an audience he would keep them enraptured of tales from when he was a kid or stories of collecting debts while he worked at Chase Manhattan Bank.  I would love to hear these stories as he told them and did get somewhat jealous that they would only come out when he had an audience. 

Dad wanted what he wanted and usually got his way.  I guess collecting debt for 40 years makes a person good at that.  He could be very impatient, which is another trait that I inherited from him. I must say it’s not entirely unwelcome as I consider it a virtue.  He had a profound love for the sun and would tan himself incessantly.  Two times that make me laugh the most in this regards was the time he was in the hospital to have a procedure done and insisted that Laurie bring him his sun lamp.  I can still imagine the conversation that ensued when the nurses walked into his room and saw him sunning himself. 

Dad could combine his impatience and love for the sun.  No better time was that than when Rita and I wanted to ride our bicycles from Miami to Key West, and he needed to drive us down to Miami from Boca Raton after Steven’s wedding.  Dad was so impatient to get to Miami Beach that he literally ditched us on the side of the road about 30 miles north of where we wanted to be.  He told us that we were crazy, but I know deep down he was proud of us for doing such an endeavor.  I know so because I would always hear second-hand from family friends and relatives how proud he was of my exploits.

Time inexorably moves forward, and over the course of time, our relationship changed.  I’ve been very fortunate over the last several years that we have grown closer and confided more in each other.  We started going to ballgames together, and Dad would accompany me to far away races that I would do.  I’ll never forget seeing his face cheering me on during Escape from Alcatraz in San Francisco or the look of concern on his face when I was late for finishing one of my Ironman Lake Placid races.

I’m sorry, Dad, for not always taking your advice. Sorry for giving you trouble (especially for wrecking all those cars), for fighting with you and challenging you, but that’s the way it is with fathers and sons, and I know you understand that. I know you know that I love you and will help take care of Laurie and the family just like you’d do and want me to do.