I got a sign this morning… I little round sticker with the number “508” on it.  It was stuck in the fold of my laptop where the screen meets the base.  Where it came from and what it was doing there, I have no idea.  I am going to take this as a sign that I should be doing the FC508 race again.  This at least puts to bed the question as to whether or not I should do that race.

After waking up this morning and dealing with some system problems at work, I decided that today is going to be a good day no matter what.  I have nothing good planned, I am not expecting anything good to happen and in fact, I expect to get grief over the system problems that I fixed during a time I should have been asleep.  I can’t let all the negative energy around me get me down or get depressed about things that are beyond my control.  Today I am going to try to face the day with a positive attitude and see what comes out of it.

I need to be more like my son.  He exudes and radiates a positive vibes almost all of the time.  He rarely gets down and if he does, is quick to snap out of it.  I was not like this as a boy, or for that matter my entire life.  I am going to turn over a new leaf today and try to follow his example from now on.  Please someone kick me in the ass, face or balls if I go back to moping around and complaining.  I am sick of my own negativity.  It’s gotten me nowhere in life.  Looking back, the times I have been most successful is when I was positive I could accomplish the things I set out to do.  Letting negativity get its grips on you is a sure way to failure.

Almost everyone has the power to change the situation they are in.  The only ones in life who should be pitied are those who are truly powerless to change their state of being.  Certainly, if you live in a free society, without strife, warfare, disease, hunger and other major perils, you should be able to change and make your own fate.  If you want to do something great, to be remembered, or build your own monuments, then the one person you need to rely on is yourself. 

You will have other people in your life that will help you along.  Without you taking that first step though, those people will never materialize.  Coaches, mentors, teachers, parents and yes even your own children can teach you, coach you and offer you lessons about life.  It’s up to you though to make the most of their contributions to your life and move forward, onward and upward.  You need to reach out to someone else and convince them you are worthwhile enough for their time.

I am pissed at myself.  Pissed at pissing so much time away when I could have made so much more of myself.  Don’t get me wrong… It’s not as if I am living in squalor, begging for scraps of food and standing on a street corner hoping for some work and a paycheck each morning.  It’s just that I know I have coasted after certain successes.  I’ve let myself coast far too long and let myself become depressed when things did not continue to come my way.  If you want to be great at life, to have a great life and live a life that will be remembered with satisfaction, you have to live your life to the fullest.

The key through making it through a race or life in general is getting through the tough times.  We all hit bumps in the road.  Sometimes we go over them, other times around them and when necessary avoid the bumpy road altogether.  Bumps in the road can cause damage if they are not navigated carefully.  This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t take the bumpy road.  What excitement would life be even everything was smooth sailing? 

I think we tend to remember more about the times we travelled the bumpy road.  Those times hopefully bring out the best in us and were probably the more exciting.  When I think back to the FC508, the time I remember most was a 17 mile climb and 20 mile descent on a road that had the consistency of baked rocks in dirt.  It was brutally bumpy for 37 miles and made for an unpleasant experience.  However, I laugh about it now and I remember that section more than any other.  It brought out my riding skills more than any other section and the memory of it is infused in my mind.  I don’t remember a thing about the easy sections.

If only everything in life was as pleasurable and exciting as doing a race.  I enjoy being an ultra endurance athlete because it tests me in ways that the short stuff just can’t match.  Yes, a very hard and fast short effort brings out the pain and pleasure of a job well done.  However, I feel those moments are fleeting, causing the speedsters to seek many of these shorter challenges.  How can you remember all of them though?  The long stuff has an opportunity to get pushed into your long term memory over the course of the event.  But life is not all about racing… It’s about working and earning a living, raising a family and dealing with your day to day responsibility.

Sometimes we take a turn onto the wrong road or a storm blows in, knocking a tree into our path, tearing up the asphalt or some other calamity happens causing us to just be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Hopefully our experiences in life have given us the tools, the mental faculty, to work through these issues and navigate the hazards that lie before us with minimal injury.  If we don’t have that knowledge within us, then it’s those times we look towards outside resources to assist.  You need to have been smart enough to bank those resources so that they are available to you in the future.

A resource could be a parent, friend, god, book, society or anything really that can impart the knowledge or lend a helping hand upon us to make it through our tough times.  In my case I recently turned to my father to ask him to send me advice I could use to make it through my own difficult times.  Of course, he is quite dead, so he needed to go through extraordinary measure to send me his wisdom.  I believe he did so by sending to me several friends at the right time all of which had insightful things to say to me.  Their words are helping me to navigate through the bumps in the road and show me that once I get to the end of it, there are new roads for me to explore.  Those new roads may be bumpy as well, but at least it will be something different.

My 7th (6th consecutive) New York City Marathon is officially in the books. My unofficial time, according to my watch, is 5:09:57. I am happy with this effort considering I had no running mileage between April and October.   I did not start to train for the NYCM until Oct 7, consisted of 1x12M, 3x7M and a scattering of 4M’s and 3M’s. In other words, less than 60 miles of running in less than 1 month to get ready for the Marathon. Add to the fact that I stopped during the marathon several times to say hello to family and for every picture worth occasion and I’d say my time was darn spiffy. I certainly ran better than last year, which I attribute to running with intelligence and being injury free. 

Waiting for the start of the marathon is always uncomfortable. It’s difficult to wait around in a crowded area, with no sun in 39 degree temps.  There is no room to stretch and barely any room to sit down.  I am reminded of the cattle or chickens that are forced to live in overcrowded conditions while they await their slaughter.  You just do your best to pass the time and try to remain warm.  Luckily, I was in the first wave of runners which left at 9:40am, so my wait time was less than most. 

Honestly, I should not have been in the first wave, which I believe was supposed to launch the faster runners.  My wave time was based on past race performances and the time I predicted I would finish.  When I signed up, I figured I could do it in 3:30, but that was long before I became injured with Plantar Fasciitis and took off from running for over 6 months.  In any event, I lined up in the middle of the first wave and took my sweet time to get moving.  I stopped on the bridge several times to take pictures and for the first time really didn’t care how long I was taking.  Truth was at the moment, I wasn’t feeling so good and doubted I could even finish the marathon.  I dilly dallied on the bridge, taking pictures and by the time I started to get moving again, almost all the runners from the first wave had passed me.  It was a very odd feeling.  I was running completely alone on the Verrazano Bridge.  Usually I am surrounded by 10’s of thousands of runners.  I felt as though the sweep van might come at any moment and take me off the course.

As I made my way off the bridge, I was still almost completely alone.  I’d pass the occasional straggler and I would wonder what was causing them to be so slow when they were in the first wave.  I didn’t even have anyone in front of me to follow on the course, which made me rely on the course markings and the barricades to know which way I was to go.  Now this may not seem significant to you, but to be running completely alone in a race of 45,000 runners, running alone is completely bizarre.  I just kept making my way forward, anticipating the arrival of the fast runners from waves two and three.  I was about 4 -5 miles into the marathon, when the first runners from wave two started to pass me.  I began to feel better, as the feel of running the NYCM started to return to some semblance of normality. 

By the time I passed mile 6 and started to approach the meeting point of where my family was waiting to see me, the pack of runners had thickened enough that I felt like I was actually in the NYCM and not a lone exhibit walking down a gauntlet of spectators looking at a freak.  I asked my wife to bring me some items that I forgot to take with me and also gave her a bunch of clothes that I was wearing.  Having shed down a significant amount of clothes and taking a caffeine pill to wake me up immediately changed my state of mind and body.  I started to loosen up and began to run very well.  My pace quickened to approximately 10 min/mile, my heart rate settled in and I began to feel physically and mentally good.  The doubts as to whether or not I could finish began to melt away with each passing mile.

Being in no rush at all to finish, I didn’t worry about taking breaks along the course.  These breaks were all in order for me to get a picture of something I found interesting.  Here are a few of them…

Entering Athlete Village

Crowd Heading to Start Line

The one thing I will say about my endurance efforts this year, is that I’ve learned how to tolerate the passing of time.  It’s as though I don’t notice that the clock is ticking as I always seem to be making progress and my slow pace does not bother me.  I guess you learn that from sitting in a saddle for 18 hours in a day and crawling up 25 mile hills at only 4-5 mph.  As long as I have the sense of moving forward, I feel ok and keep on moving right along.

And moving right along is what I did.  I made it from Brooklyn to Queens, Queens into Manhattan (where I said hello to my mom at 63^rd Street), from Manhattan into the Bronx and then back into Manhattan again.  Once back in Manhattan, I knew I was home free and ran with a smile on my face all the way down 5^th Avenue and into Central Park.  I knew I was running at a comfortable and relaxed pace as my face wasn’t clenched, nor was my jaw.  In fact, I think I had a smile for most of it.  I was very pleased with myself for running so well on pure effort and training memory alone.   My finish certainly wasn’t attributable to the fewer than 60 running miles I put in over the previous 3 weeks.  My 7^th NYC Marathon Medal is probably my most satisfying, if only because I proved to myself that I can do whatever I set my mind to do.  Now I just have to figure out exactly what it is I want to do next.

On the Verrazanno

Half Way Point

Running Up First Avenue

Entering Da Bronx

At the Finish Line

I can’t help feeling I screwed up at some point in my life. Everyone screws up, so this should come as no surprise. I do not have a bad life by any stretch of the imagination and in fact it’s probably better than most when you consider the population in the world. It is never to late for a second chance and perhaps that is what I need to give myself. Fortunately I live in a society and country where multiple chances are possible.

My new chance should probably start with clearing out the clutter in my mind and life. I need to let go of the past which no longer matters, keeping of course the past lessons learned so I don’t screw up again. It would be nice to have a mentor, one who has wise and sage advice to offer me guidance. I think I will avoid for now all those self help gurus and take it on my own for now. I still have my father in my mind and I could improve a lot just by following his example and applying some of his practices. Maybe if I start seeking him out in my memories he will come to me more often in the future and provide additional advice.

Speaking of chances, this Sunday will be my 7th opportunity to set a PR (Personal Record) at the NYC Marathon. Realistically, the only chance I have for a PR is to go for a PW – Personal Worst. I hope to be somewhere in the middle of a PR and PW, but setting a PW is looking pretty good. I wouldn’t take a bet that I could avoid a PW.

A friend of mine told me to skip the marathon this year, so as to not end up feeling dejected because of the need to walk and/or setting a bad time. I told the friend not to worry as this marathon is all about keeping my streak alive and incrementing the total number of NYC Marathons I’ve finished. Doing the marathon is at this point just something I do. It’s an end of season/year annual tradition just like Thanksgiving, Xmas and New Years.

Sometimes we plan to do things that have a significant Risk vs. Reward.  We hope that the rewards outweigh the risks and that your effort will pay off with the reward(s) that you hoped to receive.  How do you calculate whether to proceed with a particular scenario when the risk outcome is about equal with the reward outcome?  I guess when deciding about such esoteric things as outcomes it’s not possible for the risk and reward ratio to be the same.  However, for the sake of this argument, let’s suppose the outcomes are equal.

I think if you assume that, then it’s quite possible you didn’t carefully evaluate all of the possible outcomes and their consequences.  You need to be careful not to let selfishness cloud your thoughts or else you may not be sure to analyze the outcomes in order to make as close to an objective decision you could arrive at.  Perhaps it would be wise to seek outside counsel; one who could be objective.

It is understood though that many of these risk vs. reward scenarios occur on a daily basis and the consequences (whether good or bad) may seem trivial at the time.  Perhaps a good habit to get into would be to take a second or a minute (or other appropriate amount of time depending on the significance of the decision) to think it through before you decide.

I am hurting from a decision I made recently.  I realize now in retrospect that I did not think the course of my decision through.  I suppose I made it with a bit of selfishness, because I wanted the reward.  In my selfishness, I thought the pursuit of the decision would result in a reward for more than just me.  Had I thought it through properly I might have seen that was not the case.  But then again, there are some things that you can’t possibly know and hindsight is always 20-20.  Sometimes we just have to live with the consequences of our decisions no matter how well intentioned they may have been.

It’s less than two weeks before the marathon and I am woefully ill prepared.  I don’t expect to be able to run the entire thing and just hope to cross the finish line.  This will probably be the greatest mental challenge I will have ever faced.  I know I will be walking a great deal of the marathon and I don’t know if I have the mental toughness to force myself to walk most of it.  I’m afraid I’ll just say screw it and hop on the subway at some point and go home.  I just can’t see myself walking along with the back of the packers and the sag wagons right on my tail.  I’ll probably be asking myself, why I am going through this torture.

I do know why though.  This will be my 6^th NYC Marathon in a row (7^th overall) and I want to keep my streak alive.  I also want to get to the 15 NYC Marathon mark (so I no longer have to qualify each year) and the only way to do that is to get another 8 NYC Marathons under my belt.  Each year I skip will be one year longer that I have to wait to reach this goal.  I’d like to be able to enjoy the fruits of my labors while I am still relatively young (or at least before I reach 60).

As far as bike riding is concerned, the closest I’ve come to riding a bike is trying to put together a 4 person RAAM (Race Across America) team.  I am still feeling the after effects of the FC508 in the form of numb fingers, toes and a complete lack of feeling in my unmentionables.  The former really sucks and I am told I may need to wait upwards of a month for the feeling to come back.  Well, at least I’ve already procreated, so I don’t have to worry about being a biological success.

BrooklynBeastJr (Beast Jr for short), has been regularly coming out with me for my runs.  We either run together or he rides his bike.  It’s good to get that routine going again.  We stopped going out together back in December 2009, when Jr started to develop stomach issues and wasn’t feeling up to going.  Fortunately that has cleared up and it’s good to have him with me again.  We generally have some very satisfying conversations while we are out together and I hope I am setting him up to pursue a lifetime of fitness.  He made me a proud parent when he told me for his “enrichment” program at school he chose running.

I really do need to develop a regular schedule again as far as exercise.  I’ve gotten used to taking it very easy since the middle of September when I began to taper for the FC508.  Since the race, I haven’t pushed myself and have not kept strict tabs on my diet.  I’ve gained a few pounds and I am starting to feel it.  I haven’t been too concerned as I felt I deserved it after all the long training I put in over the summer, but it is time to get back into the swing of things.  It’s almost a month since the race and I can’t go on being slovenly forever.  A good friend of mine stated that it appears I’ve walked into a sticky web where it is rather difficult for me to get a move on.  This was very perceptive.  I do feel as though I am wading through a bog of molasses, but it is sweet molasses and I am taking my fill.  I am going to take the comment to heart and pull myself out and get back with a program, whether that being running or swimming (and hopefully within another month, back to biking).  I have goals I want to achieve and I worked too hard this year getting myself back in shape (once again) to let myself become a slack maven once again.

I am on indefinite hiatus from bike riding for the foreseeable future.  I need to let my perineum nerves heal.  It would be nice to get some feeling back between my legs.  Fortunately I already produced my family so if the worst case happens, I don’t have to worry about fulfilling my biological imperative.  I am told that it is possible that I will have to wait upwards of a month for the feeling to return.  I wonder if my insurance will cover physical therapy to rehabilitate the injury.

So anyway, like I stated some months previously, what is an ultra cyclist to do when he can no longer ride… take up running!  My plantar fasciitis seems to have healed and I’ve done a couple of runs without pain in my foot.  The runs were sluggish and I feel as though I am starting over completely from the beginning.  I guess having taken 6 months off without running a foot will do that to you.  Hopefully, my running form will come back and I’ll feel back in the stride of things over the next few days.

@BrooklynBeastJr joined me for my second run back last night.  He seemed very enthused to go and apparently enjoyed himself very much.  We only did 2.5 miles, but that was more than enough.  He hasn’t run since December/January and I didn’t want to push him.  He did excellent though and I am hoping this is the start of a regular habit.  Perhaps his wanting to run has something to do with him taking Running as his enrichment program at school.  My hopes is that he will become an endurance athlete and perhaps one day get a track scholarship to college or at least get into a good middle school and high school because he can run.  If anything, the running will keep him in shape and lead to a future lifestyle in which he never battles being overweight.

I have 25 days left to get ready for the NYC Marathon.  Now running 26.2 miles is a far cry from running a sluggish 2.5 miles, but I have hopes that my legs will recover in time for me to do a sub-6 hour marathon.  I plan to do the marathon even if I have to walk the entire distance.  This year will be my 6^th NYC Marathon in a row and 7^th overall.  Unless dire circumstances prevail I won’t let myself miss one again.  I passed on the 2003 and 2004 editions due to injuries.  Looking back, I realize I wasn’t so injured where I couldn’t have walked them.  You don’t get time back and those are two years that could have been added to my current streak, not to mention getting me that much closer to 15 NYC Marathons.  Fifteen   being the magic number you need to no longer worry about going through the qualifying process each year to enter the next year’s edition.

I’m confident that I’ll be able to run most of the marathon.  Honestly I am not looking forward to walking it.  I am a horribly slow walker.  Everyone I’ve ever walked with complains about it.  Shotgun training for an event is something that I am not new at and I think I am smart enough to get my legs in shape during this short amount of time, while keeping myself from getting injured.  If I do injure myself, then there is always swimming.  On my bucket list is swimming across the English Channel, so if I can’t be an ultra runner and ultra cyclist, I could always start preparing for that.

At long last I am on my way to the Furnace Creek 508.  I hope all the time, energy, sacrifice and expense will have paid off.  It’s been an odd past couple of weeks leading up to the race.  The weather had turned cooler, the days suddenly became very shorter and my mileage has decreased as race day approached.  It’s as if all the training I’ve done over the summer is a distant memory.  I hope I didn’t over taper the past few weeks and lose too much fitness.  The common wisdom though in regards to the taper is better to be 10 percent under trained, than 1 percent over trained.  I definitely don’t feel over trained at this point.

The last two weeks at work seriously dragged on.  It was very hard to concentrate on my projects as I just wanted race day to get here already.  I tried to enjoy the feeling of anticipation leading up to the race, but all I felt was annoyance and irritation.  I tried not to wish the days away, as doing so is like asking for one day less of your life.  I kept thinking to myself that the minutes, hours and days will slowly pass by and soon enough I will be on the place headed to the race with Beast Jr.  Sure enough, time moved on and I now type this from the comfit of my Jet Blue seat, my son watching Shrek III at my right hand.

I don’t know how I will do at the race.  I just know that I will be tested more than I’ve ever physically and mentally been tested before.  The key part of the race will be to fight off the sleep and to keep moving forward.  I can’t let myself succumb to the tiredness that I am sure is to come.  This is what concerns me the most.  I get so tired at night sometimes that it’s literally painful to stay awake.  I must find the willpower to move ahead and find my way to the finish line.

I feel bad that my daughter isn’t coming with us.  She hid it well, but I am certain that she is sad that she is not going and that her brother gets to go.  I’ll have to do something with her soon that is extra special in which her brother does not tag along.  I am thinking of taking her to Ironman Lake Placid the next time I do it.

I hope my crew is ready for the challenge ahead. My crew chief, @gregbarnett recruited two of his friends to round out the team.  The entire crew needs to be focused on the racer; on whatever his needs may be.  Literally, for the duration of the race the experience will be that it is all about me.  There will be time after the race to show my gratitude and to figure out how to repay them for their support.   I am deeply grateful that they’ve agreed to be my sherpa’s for this event.  Without them racing the FC508 would not be possible.

There is nothing much left to do to get ready for the Furnace Creek 508 other than to pack and get in some easy training rides.  This past weekend, I did a midnight ride out in Orient Point, which is in the furthest most reaches of the North Fork of Long Island.  I had originally planned to do this ride with my daughter, albeit a 25 mile version of it, but as it turned out my next door neighbor was also doing this ride and my daughter wound up not feeling well.  So Gene and I headed out to Orient Point around 9pm Saturday night to do this crazy ride.

I didn’t have much of an opportunity to nap during the day, having been busy with Beast Jr. and his soccer and baseball games.  All I did to prepare for the midnight ride was catch about a 20 minute snooze right after I ate dinner.  I figured the lack of sleep would be good practice for riding 36 – 48 hours straight at the FC508.  My one concession to trying to stay awake was to down a Red Bull from a gas station about ¾ of the way to the start.

We got there a tiny bit late and many people were already out on the road.  Gene and I didn’t waste much time and soon got headed out ourselves.  The scenery in the area was supposed to be very beautiful.  Moon swept beaches, stately homes and grassy meadows; however it was too dark to see much of it.  We did have a couple of stops at a light house or two and that was interesting.  For me though, the ride was spent concentrating on the road and trying to avoid all potholes – Yes, I am still very squeamish ever since my accident over Labor Day weekend.

Just to go off on a tangent for a minute, I forgot to mention in regards to the accident, what I did after I got home from the hospital.  The accident happened on the Sunday before Labor Day and I had tickets for the Yankee game on Labor Day.  My wife eventually came to the hospital to see how I was doing in the ER and one look at me told her that I was in no condition to go to the game.  I very reluctantly agreed with her and felt very bad that I was going to disappoint my children and not go.

When I got home however, I could tell my kids were very concerned about me and saddened that I wasn’t going to take them to the game.  Their uncle was going to take the responsibility, but I said to myself to just man up and go to the game with my kids.  I told my Brother-in-law to forget about taking them, and then rested for a few minutes in bed.  That was a big mistake.  I was essentially awake for over 24 hours by now and my body finally wanted to crash and recover.  I dragged myself up though and forced myself onto the subway with the kids and treated them to a day at the ballpark.  I wasn’t going to let a little (massive) discomfit interfere with me being a good dad.

Anyway, back to the midnight ride…

Gene and I made fairly decent progress, catching and passing several other riders.  Gene was riding a fixed gear bike, but was able to maintain a decent average pace of around 15 mph.  We made the first rest area in good time and partook of the wonderful peaches and other snacks that they had.  We chatted with the volunteers and other riders and soon set out again.

Somewhere before the second aid station, we began to suspect that we missed a turn somewhere.  Most of the turns were marked with a blinking light and arrow, but it had been quite some time before we had seen one.  We came across an open 7-11 and Domino’s Pizza and decided to pull in for refreshments and to get directions.  We discovered that we rode several miles in the wrong direction.  By the time we started to head back onto the course, at least 30 minutes had passed.

When we got to the second aid station, it was clear that most of the riders were now in front of us.  There was only 30 minutes left until the aid station was due to close.  We didn’t really care though as we were just out for a good time and the extra riding distance suited me well.  However, we did decide to start moving along and make our way to the finish.

Sunrise from Orient Point

The payoff of the ride was the sunset coming up over Orient Point.  It was a beautiful scene and the sun felt good.  We saw the sun rise just as we were approaching the finish of the event, where they were serving freshly made pancakes and sausage.  There was even a massage table which miraculously had no one ahead of me waiting to get a massage.  I decided on the massage first and then food.  My massage was fantastic and the masseur even remarked that I had a pure look of contentment on my face.

After the massage, I met up with Gene and had my pancakes with real maple syrup, sausages and a locally grown peach which was all delicious.  We ate quietly and recapped the night in our minds.  I was happy with how I was able to stay awake through the ride and my confidence in being able to do the same for the FC508 was bolstered. 

It was about a 100 mile drive home from Orient Point and I did concede to my tiredness on the way home.  Driving a car while tired is a lot different than riding a bike.  On a bike I am actively moving and I tend to stay awake.  The motion of the car just lulls me to sleep.  I pulled off the road into a local fruit stand which was still closed and took a 20 minute cat nap.  It was enough to make me feel energized enough to finish the drive home without having to stop again.

I wish I could have slept for the rest of the day, but the remainder of it was filled by taking Beast Jr to soccer and then helping him with a report he is going to do in exchange for coming with me to the FC508.  I prepared an outline for him and set him off with a bunch of facts to write about.  I am hoping his report will turn out great.

Click  here for the Midnight Ride Route: