I ran out of run this morning about 1.2 miles into a scheduled 6 mile run. That was ok though, as the most important thing I did was get out of the door. My most important concern at this moment is my mental well being and getting outside seems to help tremendously.

I took a couple of days off training over the past two weeks and each time I did, I was a depressed nervous wreck for the remainder of the day. I figured the first time was a fluke, but when I took another day off and I felt even worse that day, I knew I had to concentrate on doing something everyday.

The key word in the previous sentence is “something”. This doesn’t necessarily mean training all out or training with a specific goal in mind. As a matter of fact, I can honestly say I no longer care about Ironman. If I do it, I do it, but as of this minute I have no inclination to put myself through another Ironman training regimen. I am only concerned with doing something.

This could all change in the future as I am slowly able to build up my volume. Perhaps with increased volume will come an increased desire to train for something hard. My friend Super Todd likes to kid me about how he will beat me at this year’s IM. Right now Todd you are going to have to go it alone as I don’t think I will be there. Something dramatic and inspirational must happen to me for those juices to start flowing. It is time for me to start taking baby steps again before I begin to run. You may have to wait another year for an attempt at reclaiming the title of “Number 1 Ironman Triathlete of Brooklyn”.

I dusted off my tri bike on Saturday morning; an Aegis Victory which has carried me through 3 Ironman races. My coach scheduled me for 70 miles and I decided that if I was going to ride that long I wanted to be fast, comfortable and feel like a triathlete. I could notice the difference in ride from my road bike the moment I got on it. The Aegis fits me perfectly and the ride is smooth and responsive. It makes my road bike feel like it’s constructed from sewer pipe.

I varying rode alone, in a paceline and then with Todd. The ride was pleasant enough and the miles peeled off snappily at an 18.5 mph pace. Todd rode with me for about 30 miles which left me with about 10 miles to complete on my own. I finished a 72 mile ride in about three hours, fifty minutes.

Today I had company for my 10 mile run from start to finish. My daughter after some waffling decided that she wanted to go with me when she saw me heading for the door. I guess the encouraging her to accompany me without pressuring her is working.

I let her lead the run throughout Prospect Park and we explored just about every trail. We had to stop about a dozen times in order for me to carry her bike up or down stairs. It is clear that Prospect Park was designed with little regard to people with disabilities. I could tell that she is getting stronger. She was able to make it up every hill with minimal assistance and only asked to stop 1 time to take a drink. Other than stopping for some stair climbing we held a very crisp pace. My average HR for the day was 144 (78%) with my max reaching 167 (90%).

At the end of the ride, she was complaining that her butt was a little sore. I wonder if they make bike shorts for 8 year olds. If it wasn’t for that, she said she would have gone longer. We shall see; I think I have a 15 mile run scheduled next weekend.

I gave up my workout this morning, although my coach told me to get something in tonight. We will have to see. I didn’t get home from work until 7pm and I was ravenously hungry. No way could I run without first eating.

The workout was missed because I got to bed late last night. My wife and I had to take my father home from the hospital where he just had a fribulator/pacemaker installed. When we got back home, it was just before 10pm. I felt that my wife wanted me to watch a TV show with her so I obliged, especially considering she has been very supportive over the past couple of weeks while I’ve been struggling through some inner demons. We watched Project Runway on Bravo. It was interesting, but not worth missing a needed hour of sleep; the hour I needed to get in the workout this morning.

When we got to the hospital to collect my father he was in a bit of pain at the incision area and also developed a case of gout in his ankle. He was a bit crotchety from all of the procedures and just wanted to go home. He says he regrets it having it done, but that could be because they told him he must cut out his daily consumption of scotch. I told him to just take vicodin instead of alcohol. He likes his drink to relax.

He wasn’t keen on Vicodin, so I then suggested pot and asked him if he ever smoked it. He said the last time he did was the day before my 7th birthday. He was with some friends away from home and he called my mother to tell her that he may not be able to make it home for my birthday party, so she would have to take handle all of the arrangements. Her reply was that if he didn’t make it home, I wasn’t having a party. That might have been the last time he smoked pot, but I also seem to recall my 7th birthday saw my last birthday party. It was just as well, as my parents hated each other. No wonder why I like to get out the door to train by myself for hours. It is how I learned to get some peace and quiet.

I heard somewhere that a goldfish has a memory that only lasts about two seconds. Now wouldn’t that be handy at times? Unpleasant experiences would only be remembered for two seconds before you forgot all about them, never to have the memory of the unpleasant moment bother you again. What is the sum of all our experiences, except for the memory of them?

If you were offered a vast sum of wealth (millions of dollars, real estate, jewels, etc.) would you undergo 24 hours of the most hideous torture you could imagine? Now ask yourself the same question if you were told you would have absolutely no memory of it. All you would know after it was over was that you were rich, but you wouldn’t know why. This might not seem so bad. After all, if you have no memory of it, would it really have happened?

I recently purchased two bubble eyed goldfish for my daughter. She named them Bubbles and Fizz. We have them in a custom made fish tank that sits inside a birdcage (side note: why is “fish tank” two words, but “birdcage” one word?). I find it amazing that these fish never have the feeling of being caged, since the moment the thought occurs to them, they already forgot about it.

Unfortunately, humans mostly remember their unpleasant experiences for the remainder of their lives. Sometimes these thoughts pop up at unexpected moments and cause all sorts of neurosis. Like Hawkeye in an episode of M.A.S.H when he got a whiff of something that smelled like a wet burlap sack.

While training for Ironman, you are often left alone with nothing but your thoughts for long stretches at a time. Unless you are an eternally optimistic and upbeat person, I don’t think you can keep unpleasant thoughts from invading your mind while you struggle against fatigue, fear, and hunger. I think the key at these moments is
taking these thoughts and channeling them into another emotion. For me, that emotion is often anger which allows me to burn out the plaguing memories. Maybe that is why I train for endurance sports… to work out those memories that so plague me.

What do you do though when fear and anxiety are such that it is crippling in your ability to go on? Perhaps that is the greatest test of all as you are forced to reach down and overcome your greatest obstacle… Yourself.

Earlier this week I asked my children if I should continue to train for the Ironman. I am worried that I am spending too much time away from them, which is giving me feelings of guilt and depression. I asked them each individually and they both smiled and said yes. I asked again if they are sure and if they minded all those times I was out of the house training. Once again, they both said that I should train for the Ironman and that they didn’t mind that I was out training.

I guess these responses reaffirm two things to me. Guilt* is an emotion that you can only give to yourself and I must be doing something right with my children, because they aren’t feeling like I am abandoning them in pursuit of my Kona goal. This is much needed reassurance from the ranks.

Now since my children appear to be all for me training for the Ironman, would I be setting a bad example of I were to quit? It appears based on the comments I occasionally hear from my children that I am now expected to reach Kona. I’ve talked about Ironman and Hawaii for so long now, that this process has become part of our lives. I guess I am stuck pursuing it so as not to come off as a quitter.

I rode 61.7 miles today. The most remarkable thing that occurred during the ride was the realization as I passed mile 56, that I was 13 minutes past 3 hours into my ride. Now I know this is very early season, pre season in fact, but still I should have been able to ride 56 miles in under 3 hours. I am definitely feeling slower and older.

The next time I go out, I need to make a concerted effort to remember to bring my camera. Several times during my last few workouts, I missed opportunities for what I think would be a very interesting picture. Today, what struck my fancy was the long shadow my cycling body cast from the rising sun. The shadow must have stretched for 30 yards and I felt that capturing the moving image while cycling at 18 mph would have made a very interesting picture. I guess I will keep my camera right with my workout gear.

ST met me about 30 miles into my ride. It was clear that I was going to have a difficult time keeping up with him every time we hit the Prospect Park hill. We were soon joined by Robert, another friend and triathlete, both of whom dropped me for good about two loops of the park later. It was just as well. I was tired of trying to keep up the pace and preferred just to grind out my remaining 20 miles.

During my ride, I received a call from Brooklyn who was at the Manhattan Half Marathon. He asked if I was doing it. I didn’t even know it was today, but in truth I doubted I would have even if I’d know. I haven’t run a mile since my run last weekend. I couldn’t even walk normally until Thursday. Hopefully my last run won’t be my last run.

A couple of hours after my ride today, I went for a bonus bike ride with my children. This was very painful since I appear to be very saddle sore. I really must remember that wearing jeans commando style and bike riding don’t mix. Fortunately, we didn’t ride far and took lots of breaks.

I do certain exertional physical challenges just because they are hard. It amuses me to know that so few others would be doing what I am doing. Examples of this were my two journeys this past week to the Asphalt Green pool at 5am by way of my MTB. For some reason, I get off being the only cyclist, or pedestrian for that matter, traveling over one of NYC’s major bridge crossing.

The Manhattan Bridge at this time and conditions gives off the aura of a menacing post apocalyptic landscape. Dozens of sodium arc lamps cut through the darkness of night and form a forbidding line down a desolate path. The only companions you have at this time are the howling wind, sub freezing temperatures and the occasional thunder of a passing subway train. From this vantage point I can see hundreds of buildings with many thousands of occupants still sleeping in their safe, warm beds.

When I did this trip on Tuesday, it was my first since the recent transit strike. I was taking a chance that I would be allowed to bring my bike into the office, since I didn’t verify that the building where I worked would allow it in. For some reason, I suspected it could be a problem, which is why I didn’t ask for permission in the first place. It is better to ask for forgiveness afterwards than to do be told no outright.

The security guard of the building didn’t even hesitate a second after seeing me before he told me to get out of the building. I explained to him that I am a senior officer of one of the buildings major tenants. This was a stubborn fellow and he reacted to this information with as much concern as he would show a homeless person who wandered into the building. I asked him to speak to the building manager and his reply was that “He was too busy for me”. I told him I needed to bring it upstairs as I didn’t have a lock and had no choice. He said “Too bad, take it back home”. You would have though I wanted to bring in a dirty bomb the way I was being treated.

In any event, I am not one to back down from a challenge and I told them they had three choices, let me go up, call the building manager or call the police because one way or the other I am going upstairs. A second security guard finally called the BM, who allowed me up after I explained to him I didn’t know the restriction, I had no lock and if he would let me pass, I wouldn’t do it again.

I figured I would call the BM after I changed into my suit and settled in. However, the BM decided to pay a visit to my office and chastise me for giving the security guards a difficult time. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. The BM turned out to be a real BM, so I abandoned any hope of bringing my bike inside in the future. For revenge, perhaps I will visit various floors and stuff the toilets with great wads of paper towels.

It is 5:50am, I’ve been up for an hour and I’ve done shit. What a waste of time.

Go Global Warming!!! I don’t know about you, but if the balmy temperature over this past weekend is a result of Global Warming then I am completely in its favor. It was a great weekend to get outdoors, one in which my daughter accompanied me on her bicycle while I did my long run.

I know Sheila from Chicago is hoping for Global Warming to take off. The warm weather is like Spring can’t hold itself back much like Wil. Unusual temperatures in the winter can make it hard to figure out how to dress. I went out with a balaclava, toe and hand warmers and thought I was going to melt. Shore Turtle however, caught the clothing thing right on.

Derek ran the Frostbite 10 Miler, which I felt considering the name and balmy conditions should have been cancelled due to foul weather.

Chelle appears to prefer running in solitude as of late in nasty rainy conditions. I know what she means, which is perhaps why she didn’t blog over the weekend – Too many people outside due to warm weather which ruined the conditions for peaceful rumination.

This weather is definitely out of whack, much like Geaux’s blog which appears to not be behaving normally right now. However, I am sure the weather and his blog will return to normal conditions soon.

Running Chick was able to resist the siren call of running in the warm weather to let her ITB injury heal. Personally though, I would have gone outside to ride a bike. Too bad it’s not warm enough to swim in the ocean.

Nothing gives me the Monday morning blues quite like coming off of a good weekend. Everything was perfect over the past two days. Great weather and lots of quality time with my children. Now I am faced with another Monday and a full work week ahead of me. I guess the bright side to this is that the weather today is completely nasty. If I had to stay home with my children today, I suppose we would have gotten cabin fever after a few hours.

My soleus muscles are very sore today. Plus my left shin hurts in a new place in a strange new way. When I walk down steps, the pain is in the front, above the bone after I plant my right foot on a lower step and bring my left foot forward. While my shin is moving forward a feel a dull ache.

I debated taking this morning off, but my coach had an excellent quote of the week in my training plan. It inspired me to get on my bike in a very subtle way. I didn’t do the workout as prescribed – strong effort, hard on hills – but at least I rode for an hour. I could have gone longer, but then I wouldn’t have had any time with my kids this morning and I would have been very late for work.

It is just as well that I head to work today. I need to go to an optometrist to get a new pair of glasses. The left arm of my frames broke late yesterday. It is now being held together by some Crazy Glue. I brought the tube with me, because it only holds for a few hours at a time. In truth, I am glad the frame finally broke as I hate it. The frame and lenses are 11 years old and out of style. I was only wearing them, because the two sets of frames I bought after these broke and were lost in a river respectively.

Right now I am riding on the F train heading into Manhattan. The crowded car I am in is being forced to listen to a religious sermon by one of NYC’s multitude of unstable individuals. I don’t quite get what he is saying, but he quotes lots of scripture and talks about how he has never killed anyone. I could argue with that as listening to him is killing me now. To the left is a picture of him. Notice he is violating one of the subways 10 Commandments – “Do not lean on the door”. Perhaps he will go to subway hell for that.

I wish I could fake him off the train like I did to some crazy person many years back. I was with my girlfriend and her two friends from suburbia in middle New Jersey. I an extremely drunken fellow got on and started making very lascivious remarks and gestures to the women on the train. The highlight of this was when he walk up to a woman, thrust his pelvis towards her face, grabbed his crotch and said “I want you to suck my cock”. After this he started to walk to my party.

I started to gear myself up to shove him away if he got close to us and take whatever other course of action necessary to keep him at bay. Fortunately at this moment he realizes he is not sure where he is and asks “Yo man, how do I get to East New York?” Calmly looking him in the eye, I tell him to get off at the next stop. For some reason he listens to me and staggers off the train when the doors open. It doesn’t take long for him to realize I told him the wrong information, exhibited by the fact that he curses and turns around to head back into the train. Fortunately the conductor closes the doors right in his face before he is able to get back on. I should probably put these tales on The Subway Chronicles.