I never really understood how stress could be a contributing factor to heart disease, stomach ulcers, obesity and other ailments. That is until I really started to experience a large amount of stress in my own life.

Unfortunately, due to my identity becoming known to several readers of my blog, I am no longer at liberty of revealing the source of all my stress. This is quite unfortunate as writing about issues revolving about my life for public consumption has proven to be quite cathartic to me. I will have to let enough time pass before I can make these issues public, like some secret government files that become declassified after many years of secrecy.

What I can talk about is the particular physical effects that stress is having on me right now and how I have learned that the only sure method of fighting off the detriments of stress is through mental control of your thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I have found that stress doesn’t just affect your during intense situations or interactions. Stress is very much a mental state that affects you at moments when you least expect it. Thoughts about decisions you have to make or situations that cause you anxiety can cause a large amount of cortisol to be released in your body.

I have literally felt this release of cortisol rush body. When stressful thoughts pierce my mind, my heart gets a sudden start and a tingling/burning sensation to floods into my various muscles; most noticeably my quads and abdomen. Undoubtedly this is the stress hormone cortisol priming my muscles to fight or flight.

I can now see how the constant release or cortisol can cause your muscles, heart, lungs, legs, etc. to break down over time. The muscles get primed for action but have no where to go. Having stress for long periods of time is a chronic condition that will eventually get to you.

If you are unable to remove the stress from your life, you must learn how to deal with it better. I am trying to focus my thoughts on more pleasant items and am trying to keep the stressful ones at bay. If I can keep the stress from entering my mind, I can keep the stress from affecting my body.

It is unfortunate that I am dealing with these issues when I am only several days away from IMAZ. My body should be resting and recovering for the grueling event ahead, but instead it is breaking down, not due to the efforts of training, but due to the affect of stress. The final days leading up to an Ironman are stressful enough.

Fortunately, my wife, Super Todd (ST) and my coach have been supportive of me. I have been turning to them to help me deal with the issues that are torturing my mind. I have never been in such a mental state before and without the support I am receiving I don’t think I would be able to deal with it.

ST came over to my house yesterday to help me prepare my bike for transit to Arizona. Having someone who knew what would be going through my head while I started to get my bike ready was very reassuring. We discussed things such as nutrition (Perpetuem from Hammer Nutrition of course), tire pressures, full vs. long john style wetsuits and most importantly, “who is the better athlete?”

So now my bike is already to go and I just have to get the rest of my gear together. I really should have done this after my last 10 mile run today, but I had a lot of errands to run. In a way this is not such a bad thing, because I know if I already packed all of my stuff and then had it lying around for the next two days, I would feel compelled to check on it many times before I actually left. By waiting for as long as possible, I will not have to worry about checking to make sure I packed everything.

Here is my training log entry in the form of an email to Neil Cook.

Neil,

My throat felt scratchy when I woke up, but I was able to do my run in relatively good form. I kept a relatively easy steady pace, with some harder efforts climbing the hills. I didn’t really pay attention to doing set repeats of harder efforts as my mind wasn’t really focusing. I just kept tract of working around IM pace.

Besides the various stress factors floating around my brain, I am still suffering from a slight lower abdominal strain. It is more irritating than anything else.

I am not sure what caused it, but I can key on a moment about a week ago when I had a very strange and acute cramp in the area. At first I thought it was my bladder and or intestines. Now though I think it must be muscular. I have difficulty doing a dead leg lift while lying on my back or if I spread my legs and push them together against resistance.

Fortunately, neither of those motions are events in an Ironman, so I think I will be ok. Here are the details of today’s run:

Time: 1:21:11
HR: 146/162
TiZ (155/137): A – 0:1:22, I – 1:07:54, B – 0:11:55
Laps:
2.8 – 24:26
2.5 – 19:56
2.5 – 19:57
2.3 – 16:51
Calories: 1118

I have discovered that eating cottage cheese a couple of hours before doing a run is a very bad idea. The combination of running and being slightly lactose intolerant made for a very uncomfortable situation, especially if you are running on a treadmill in a crowded gym.

Fortunately, those around me were all wearing headphones and the din of the exercise equipment pretty much drowned out the sounds of gas being expelled towards the end of my run.

By the time I got off the treadmill, it felt like my intestines were going to explode. Fortunately I made it to the bathroom before I left a trail of devastation.

My wife had packed the cottage cheese for me to eat as a healthy snack. I had warned her previously that milk products tend to give me a touch of wind. My only consolation is that she is now suffering the consequences about as badly as I am. I feel the discomfit, but she gets to smell it.

Other than the gas problems, my run went very well. I felt very strong. So strong I questioned whether the treadmill was calculating the correct pace. I ran 6 miles in 46:20 with a relatively low HR 152/159. I could have easily run much faster, but I held back since I am tapering.

Earlier in the day I drove to Asphalt Green to get in my swim. I almost wished I stayed home. When I went to get on the Brooklyn Bridge from the BQE, having just turned onto the entrance ramp, all the cars in front of me were at a dead stop. Some moron in an 18 wheeler decided to drive onto the bridge. Fortunately, it only took 15 minutes to back him past the BQE entrance.

With no further difficulties I made it to AG and was in the water by 5:45am. I saw alternating easy/IM pace 500’s on 30 seconds rest. Once again I was surprised by how fast I was and so little effort. I completed 3000 yards in 52:23. I then left AG and was back at home at 7:20am eating breakfast with my family.

Only 7.25 days remain until IMAZ.

I suppose I should be happy that spring time is finally upon us and warm weather and sunny days appear to be dawning. However, it this during this time of year that I feel the most depressed. Something about the smell in the air and the angle of the sun connects to unpleasant memories long suppressed. Of course, I could just be suffering taper blahs.

Now that I am tapering, I can’t even bury myself in long training sessions to work out the inner demons that plague me during my down moments. I should be very happy right now. My training went well, I feel confident, my wife is showing support for my efforts and my children love their daddy very much. I have no reason to be depressed, but depression is unreasonable.

Fortunately, the weather looks awful for tomorrow and nothing brightens my spirits more than a cold miserable day. That is beast-like weather. Beasts like harsh conditions. Flowers blooming on an open meadow during the springtime thaw are nauseating. I like extremes. Give me the harshness of winter or the brutal heat and glaring sun of summer. I love to suffer and I want the proper conditions to maximize my pleasure.

I’ve been reading some of the discussion threads about the swim for IMAZ. It sounds dreadful, which makes it wonderful for me. Murky cold water, low visibility, and a crowded field. I love it. Bring it on, I can’t wait. I have no fear of drowning so rough swimming conditions will not intimidate me.

Another successful training run. Only half marathon distance so it was relatively easy to do. At first I was concerned that I was going to poop out sometime during the first loop, as my heart rate was taking a while to rise. However, I am going to contribute the sluggish ascent to superior fitness necessitating a longer warm-up period.

Today, before I started out, I weighed myself completely naked. The reason for this was to weigh myself before and after the run to see if I am fueling and hydrating properly.

My wife went to Asphalt Green yesterday to take the nutrition seminar given by Lauren Wallack Antonucci. Since my wife is already a Registered Dietician, we felt that her taking this seminar would add to her practical knowledge of dietary requirements for endurance athletes like me. I was extremely happy she went. I am hoping she will continue to explore sports nutrition so we can have an intersection of common interests.

Armed with the information my wife learned at the seminar, we calculated carbohydrate, sodium and protein requirements that I would need for my run. Weighing myself before and after the run, would tell us whether or not I was hydrating adequately.

I came back from the run weighing 4 pounds less than when I started. I think it was safe to say that I was seriously under hydrating for a run that only lasted 1:45:00. Another thing that we determined based on the seminar was that I need to consume much more sodium during training and racing.

I am wondering if I am beginning to develop Achilles Tendonitis. I have a feeling of twinginess in my ankles. It could be the culmination of all my distance lately, or my new sneakers not agreeing with my feet or it could just be psychosomatic, but I don’t think so.

I have about 100 miles on my current pair. I am in the midst of a sneaker dilemma. My old faithful, Saucony 3D Grid Triumphs have been discontinued. I went to go get the newer model of them, but they weren’t in yet. In the meantime, I’ve been running on Saucony Trigons. They have been ok, but my ankles are letting me know they are upset about something. The new Grid Triumphs just came in yesterday. With only 13 days remaining, I don’t know if it would be wise to try to break in a new pair. I will ice and take anti-inflammatories to keep it under control. If that doesn’t work, there is always amputation and the handicapped division. I will have to discuss this with my coach Neil Cook. He always knows what to do.

Run Stats:

HR: 144/155
TiZ (155/137): A – 0:0:00, I – 1:31:33, B – 0:13:38
Calories: 1429

I suppose you must be training for an Ironman to consider a 56 mile bike and 3 mile run a taper ride. Seeing that such a short ride wouldn’t take me much time, I left my house at the civilized hour of 6:45am. Mother Nature is reluctant to let spring weather arrive, so I was greeted with a 26 degree wind chill when I opened my door.

The cool air really didn’t bother me and I started off with an easy spin. I felt really good on my bike, making me feel somewhat justified for spending the money on a bike fit earlier in the week. I was a lot more comfortable and could tell I would have an easier time riding at IMAZ and would feel fresher for the run.

In a macabre sort of way, I missed the discomfit I was in from my previous fit. The aches and pains I would get from riding were a sort of penance for spending time away from my family. The sore shoulders, saddle soreness and GI discomfit I would often have after a long ride were my own version of a horse hair shirt over flogged flesh.

Now that I am comfortable on the bike and managed to get my GI problems under control, I will be in optimal condition to have my best possible race at IMAZ. Look out Kona here I come.

ST caught up with me at about 40 miles into my ride. We began our usual shucking and jiving and bantering about topics ranging from Tri bike gear to childhood stories. It made the time go by quickly. At one point we got to talking about how I think I will do at IMAZ. I started putting forth my best guess estimates for each leg of the race. I figure if I can do a 1:04 swim (likely), average 19.5 mph for the bike (possible), and run 8:00/mile (wildcard) with 7 minutes for each transition, I could do the race in 10:33:00.

ST I think was a bit skeptical of that possibility and I will be the first to admit that I really have no idea whether or not I can do those paces. In the end, my finish time will be what it will be. I will keep to my plan and run within the appropriate exertion levels for each leg of the race. Only then will I know what paces I can sustain.

Workout Stats:

Total Time: 3:37:00
Ride Time: 3:03:43
Ride Distance: 56
Run Time: 0:26:09
Run Distance: 3.0
HR: 136/157
TIZ2(130/148): A – 0:12:18, I – 2:51:19, B – 0:33:21
Calories: 2671

ST goes to meet the Beast. Isn’t he a beauty?

This week I had an appointment with a Bike Fit specialist. This is someone who specializes in fitting a person properly to their bicycle for optimum power and comfort. The entire process took well over 2 hours. I was interviewed, measured, checked for flexibility and asked to spin on my bike many times as my positioning was adjusted. Evidently, a huge demand for this service exists, as I had made my appointment three weeks ago.

The bike fit and changes of equipment to optimize my positioning cost me a small fortune; money I can ill afford. I am throwing away my children’s college education to pursue a dream of suffering along the Kona Lava fields. That is just one more negative thought to battle out of my brain when I am training or racing. I will just tell myself that I am teaching my children the lesson that it is ok to pursue your dreams.

My fit was Wednesday night, the same evening that Mother Nature decided to throw a little spring time snow and sleet storm. That was aggravating as I knew the roads would be terrible in the morning and I wouldn’t be able to get outside to ride the bike with the adjusted fit in the morning. However, I did ride it to 86th and Lexington to catch the subway.

I must have made quite a site. I was wearing my overcoat that I wear to the office, with a large gym bag slung over one shoulder and my helmet and shoes slung in another bag over the other. It wasn’t so bad though as the wind practically blew me all the way to the station. I was glad to get my bike home and in one piece. Riding in such conditions reminded me of when I was a kid and would sneak out of my house on snowy winter nights to go ride my bike. If you have never done it, you should. It is quite a thrill. There is something about riding in a nighttime snowstorm that makes me feel so good. If I didn’t have my bags I would have road all the way home.

This weekend my ride and run are finally shorter. I only have 56 miles on the bike scheduled. I wasn’t sure if this should be a Brick workout, so I called Neil Cook, my coach to clarify it. We got into a discussion about how I was feeling and talked about the days leading up to IMAZ. We ended the conversation with him telling me to get some rest. That is a good idea. I am going to bed now.

Today’s workout can best be described as a groundhog day. I did the same distance swim in the same lane in about the same amount of time as Tuesday. My run, like Tuesday’s, was on the same treadmill, for the same distance and also in about the same amount of time.

Just like in the movie, I was slightly better than the previous day. Practice makes perfect is the common wisdom regarding such improvements. I am sure I made the usual spectacle of myself while running the treadmill. I can often be heard yelling to myself to “come on!” while I am running. I do that to get the evil thoughts out of my mind and encourage myself to move forward like a brutal drill instructor.

I love the drill instructor inside my mind. I love how that disembodied voice forces me to move on when I feel my body starting to slack. It won’t let me. I am completely conscience of my yelling, but a disassociated part of my brain is breaking free and compelling me to carry on. I am sure I appear insane to others on the gym floor, but I don’t give one rat’s ass.

Fifteen days are remaining until IMAZ. I am following my coach’s workouts exactly as prescribed. I am trained this mid-week at IM paces for moderate distances – 24M bikes (Tue. & Thu.), 4500 Yd Swim and 8M run (Wed. & Fri.) They were relatively easy to do, but I do feel slightly drained right now. Possibly I needed to get a little more sleep and eat some more. In any event I am ready. No pains or injuries. I feel like a race car getting primed to move.

Ground Hog Comparison:

Wednesday:
Swim: 4500 in 1:14:26 (16:18, 16:30, 16:38, 16:31, and 8:27)
Run: 8 in 1:02:00, HR 158/166

Friday:
Swim: 4500 in 1:15:27 (16:53, 16:44, 16:01, 16:02, and 8:43)
Run: 8 in 1:01:47, HR 159/170

Reader Note: The following is an email conversation (thread) between Beast and ST. It is in reverse chronological order.

——————–

From: Beast
Sent: Mar 22, 2005 5:28 PMTo: ST
Subject: Re: Read

Yes, retiring afer Oct. I will have accomplished all that I set out to do.I will move onto more extreme events, like the Manhattan Island Maranthon swim and the Straight of Gibraltar swim. Events you are way too chicken to do; despite your supposed superior swimming ability.

Beast

———————

Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005 5:09 PM
From: ST
To: Beast

Thanks for making me laugh.

Aren’t you retiring from IM in October?I’ll be doing IM for as long as my muscular body can take it.

Maybe you can come up to LP one year and be my waterboy, Beast.

Running tomorrow?

ST

—–Original Message—–

From: Beast
Sent: Mar 22, 2005 4:59 PM
To: ST
Subject: Re: Read

It is sad how you dwell on the past. You walk slowly along the tracks of your life thinking that past results are indicative of future performance. You are so preoccupied with it, that you do not hear the freight train barreling down the line to crush you.

I pity you. I can see you years from now. Sitting on your Lay z Boy, stomach protruding over your pants, hand safely tucked in below your belt line scratching yourself, watching the Ironman on TV and thinking to yourself in your old man voice – “yeah, I remember in the day when I beat that beasty boy in the swim. Too bad I wasn’t good enough so I could have at least come close to matching his overall time”.

I’ll have my Kona memories.

I am the BEAST.

—–Original Message—–

From: ST
Sent: Mar 22, 2005 2:55 PM
To: Beast
Subject: Read

Read the results from last year’s IMLP!

—–Original Message—–

From: Beast
Sent: Mar 22, 2005 2:55 PM
To: ST
Subject: Re: Amazing

The Truth Shall Set You Free. Come the conclusion of IMLP, you will be free to prostrate yourself before me and beg forgiveness.I acknowledge the truth of my swimming deficiencies and from the knowledge comes power.

I will improve my stroke to make myself the most efficient swimmer I can be.I do not swallow that spoonful of jism you so often try to serve. The swim is the prolog, the warmup before the main event.

Your 50M ride is barely a warmup for me. I do 50M before the sun dares to peek over the horizon.

Yes, you are beefy. The Beast shall savor the taste of your beefy flesh after I slowly roast it on an Iron skewer for 10 hours in July.

Beast
——————————-

Date: Tue, 22 Mar 2005 14:30:21 -0500 (GMT-05:00)
From: ST
To: Beast
Subject: Amazing

“It is amazing how what you think you are doing is often completely different from what you are actually doing.”-Beast

Think of those words the next time you think you’re faster than me at ANYTHING.I did 50 miles this morning. I am Super Todd.I swim like a muscular dolphin.I run like a beefy gazelle.I bike like, well, like Super Todd

I remain,

Super Todd

ST (indoors where he belongs) 

Beast after another great race 

I wish there was a magic pill I could take to make me a better swimmer. Swimming, the most technical of the triathlon disciplines, is the hardest to master. I am not a bad swimmer, nor am I particularly slow. My stroke just has some deficiencies that need to be corrected.

I’ve long suspected this fact. This is because I am just not making that quantum leap into being much faster. My swimming fitness is increasing. I am able to swim for long distances without fatiguing, but I am not getting faster.

My swimming problem was revealed this evening when I dropped in on my coaches swim clinic at Asphalt Green. It is a triathlon specific swim clinic, which focuses on proper stroke technique and strategies for dealing with mass swim starts during Triathlons. Video taping is conducted on each swimmer and an analysis is conducted on the pool deck after the swimming session. It is amazing how what you think you are doing is often completely different from what you are actually doing.

Besides not having a magic pill to make me turn me into a Spitzian swimmer, no tools are available for the individual swimmer to monitor his stroke. Cycling has computrainers, power meters, power cranks and specialized bike fit specialists, all to get you to peak cycling form. Running has shoes for every foot and it is easy to setup a video camera to view your form. In swimming, you are on your own unless you have someone chasing you down a pool lane with a video camera. Even then though, you need to somehow translate the deficiencies you see into a better stroke. This is much harder to do than running and biking.

Oh well. It is late so I will sleep on it. Maybe that will help.

I would be a liar if I said today’s run was easy. I had to want to get in 20 miles. I didn’t have any particular problems, but it did feel like I just rode a century a few hours earlier. This is probably because I did.

The first loop of the park went well. My HR came up nicely and I knew I would have no problems getting around it. I let it level off around 75% and settled in to what I perceived to be IM marathon pace. It was cool, cloudy and raining lightly.

For this run, I was recording elapsed time. That is, I didn’t stop my watch for when I took a break (fueling, peeing, etc.). I wanted to simulate IM running as close as possible and they don’t stop the clock when I stopped.

During my second loop I had what I will call a Forest Gump moment. I was running along the bottom of Prospect Park and the lake was just off to my left. The park was still empty and very peaceful. Peaceful that is except for a bunch of geese congregating on the land between the road and the lake. They all started to honk as I ran past them. It was like the roar of the crowds as you come into the finishing shoot. I used their ebullient cries to urge me onward. I was glad to be alone to reflect on this moment.

At some point into my third loop, around 7+ miles, I started feeling muscle fatigue. My HR was still good, but I began to wonder if I would be able to complete another 4 loops. Negative images started to flash through my mind. A tree stump that I saw reminded me of the most depressing children’s book I ever read. It is called “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein. I don’t feel like depressing myself again, so I won’t write down what it’s about.

I pushed these thoughts out of my mind, focused and continued on. I took a moment to take several large mouthfuls of fuel (Heed, plus Hammer Gel and BCAA). I started to feel a bit better soon after. My thoughts turned more positive and I felt better running. I think I remember reading that athletes may start to experience a lack of motivation as fatigue sets in due to lowering levels glycogen. It is easy for me to make this connection now that I sit comfortably ensconced on a couch watching TV with my children. I must try to remember this the next time it occurs during training or racing.

I continued with my visualizations to get me through the run. I thought of “Francie” the main character from “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn”. In the book, Francie had to struggle to make it through life while living in poverty. I was very poor and struggling through life just then, albeit Carbohydrate poor.

By the time I hit more 4th loop, I started to really cruise. It was like I just started to run. The miles began to peel off and it became easy. I started visualizing what it would be like to cross the finish line at IMAZ and the accomplishment I would feel. About now I was really glad I pushed through the doubts I had earlier. There is a Latin saying Nil Sine Magno Labore – Nothing come easy without great labor. This never rang truer for me and I was glad I pushed through my earlier doubts and discomfit. I felt like an Ironman right then. I was strong, fluid and cruising. I finished this lap cleanly, without stopping. My pace was steadily increasing.

About 1/3rd of the way through the 5th lap, I started to feel some twinges in my left Achilles. I feared that I would not be able to continue on and even whether or not I should stop. It wasn’t severe, but it was definitely present. I didn’t want to risk injury so I started to monitor it closely. I was concerned though that I wouldn’t be able to balance normal concern with psychosomatic paranoia. If at anytime it became worse, I was going to err on the side of caution; discretion is the better part of valor.

Heading into the completion of my 5th lap, I was very cognizant of my stride and running form. I made sure of my foot strikes and the irritation in my Achilles subsided. I only had 2.5 miles left at this point and I was running very well.

My 6th loop was shorter than the rest, at only 2.5 miles. My HR started to inch up as I started to push it harder to the end. I suddenly felt like I had a rocket up my ass and I was blasting towards the finish line. I cruised in at a 7:30 pace.

Errata – At the one hour and 2 hour marks of the run, I took a Race Cap, an Endurolyte and a caffeine pill. Both times I felt much better in about 15 minutes.

Stats for the run:

Total Time: 2:56:15
HR: 143/166
TiZ: 0:15:15 / 2:12:34 / 0:28:29
Calories: 2365

B